Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
