she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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