The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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