he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
