nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
