i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
