You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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