I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
