Pants 0. Shit 1.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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