i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
