Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
