I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
