70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
