when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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