the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
