He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
