I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
