she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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