just come out here and I will go home with you...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's great music for shaving your balls
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
