no one should ever give us hovercrafts
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
