How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
