I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
