Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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