I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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