So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
