You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
