She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
