Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
