I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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