You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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