Its about making memories worth repressing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
