I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
