There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
