Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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