Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
