I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
