I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
