No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
