ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You don't make any sense
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