We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
