She is in my trunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
