Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
