You just made me feel so damn special
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
