The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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