All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
