Im at strip club and am horny
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
