I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
