I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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