erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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