wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
