the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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