Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
