Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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